Title: The Boys of SummerAuthor: MoreThanTonightFandom: GleeParing: Kurt/SebastianSummary: A camera. A jacket pin. A phone. Lemon balm leaves. A bottle cap. A box of condoms. A bottle of sleeping pills. Not necessarily in that order. On one of the last days of summer before college, Sebastian thinks about the most eventful summer of his life and the items related to it. Each one of the seven items tells a story about two boys that summer and how they came closer. It is a story about friendship, love and overcoming obstacles.AN: Thank you, Maria, for bearing over with my craziness. Thank you to all of you who have read this and who have motivated me. With this chapter, I have finally finished my first multi-chapter fic and my first Kurtbastian fic ever. I wish I could write something heartfelt, but I'll cry. I hope you like it.
Sebastian’s heart beat faster and faster, the thumping almost painful as it throbbed against his chest, trying to get free. His fingers wrapped around the edge of the polished surface of the table, his nails digging into the hard wood. He wondered how much this table could hold. It was already carrying the seven objects that felt closest to his heart. The objects that felt like a burden, like they weighed a thousand pounds. Maybe it could hold the rest of him too.
With his hands firmly placed on either side of the wooden desk, he leant his body weight on the table little by little, putting more pressure on it by lifting his body from the ground. He pushed and pushed, slowly hearing the table creak as he was on the tip of his toes and he just couldn’t push anymore. He couldn’t put any more pressure on it. He thought maybe it would make him feel less heavy, that somehow it would lift the burden off his shoulders. Somehow he thought that he could unload everything he had and just place it on the table, on something unanimated. So why wasn’t the aching going away? Why did it feel as though someone had encased his chest in heavy lead, pulling it towards the ground with the emphasized force of gravity?
There was one object left on the table that he hadn’t touched yet. He saved the worst for the last. It would hurt less that way, he told himself. But he was at the end of the story and there was nothing left between him and the camera. No more excuses. The drumming of his heart was deafeningly loud. He could hear it inside his ear, in the back of his mind, in the front of his conscience. It was getting louder by the second and his mind was screaming to him to get away. To leave the objects and to save what was left of his tattered heart. But every story needs an ending, and he had to relieve the ending of what would be the chapter of Kurt Hummel in the Life of Sebastian Smythe.
The camera. There was a slight tremble in his fingers, his fingers that usually were self-confident and steadfast. He expected the camera to scorch his skin, but it didn’t. Instead, the black plastic felt cool against his shaky fingertips.
It was a normal camera, the type that everyone had seen before. A single-lens reflex camera from Canon in black with a large lens in the middle. The all-seeing eye. The beautiful thing about cameras was that they never lied unless the person in control of it tampers with the settings. They captured the moment in the truest possible light, whether it was unflattering or the reincarnation of beauty.
The last days Sebastian had with Kurt, he remembered the camera and decided to take photos. It was something he did for fun and mostly it was to tease Kurt whom was a lot more self-conscious than he should be. He brought the camera with him wherever they went, either around his neck like a Japanese tourist or in his messenger bag.
Sebastian’s eyes skimmed through the other objects. The bottle top, the jacket pin, the lemon balm leaves, the box of sleeping pills, the phone, the condoms and finally the camera. He picked the latter object up gingerly and weighed it in his hands. The camera itself didn’t weight that much, but it were the pictures inside that felt heavy.
He sat down on the edge of the bed, feeling the mattress sink a little. The springs groaned almost inaudibly when he slumped back, his head hitting the sheets. Flicking the power switch on, he took a deep breath as he waited for the first picture to appear.
The first one was from the one time they were at the beach.
Waves crashed in the background with the familiar sound of water hitting the soft sand before retreating back into the sea. Again and again. The repetitive echo was something everyone took for granted. It was just there, convenient and assuring. Sebastian’s focus was someplace more interesting. His eyes raked over Kurt’s frame as he sat cross-legged on the sand. His shoes were off and the sand was tickling his bare feet. It almost felt like he was a child again.
Kurt kicked off his shoes and socks and ran towards the water. Somewhere along the way, he discarded his shirt and jeans as well. Sebastian couldn’t help but compare him to the boy he first met at the Lima Bean, a time and place that felt forever ago.
This Kurt, his Kurt, as Sebastian referred to him in his mind lived in another universe than the one he knew before. The Kurt before, Blaine’s Kurt, as Sebastian called him would never have been so careless – or carefree. He would never have thrown his clothes on the sand and ran towards the water in only his forest green boxers.
It was the happiest Sebastian had ever seen him. He took out the camera and snapped a picture.
The small screen showed a boy who was running towards the water, unaware that a still frame of him was being saved on a camera for years to come. Sebastian smiled at the picture. He wasn’t an expert photographer or anything, but he had a feeling that any snapshot of Kurt would come out as breathtakingly beautiful. Some people just had that ability – he knew that he himself was one of them – and Kurt was no exception.
He raised the camera to eye-length and took another shot. This time Kurt was waist-length in the water, his wet shoulders gleaming in the sunlight as his hair clung to his forehead, dripping water. He looked happy, so unlike the boy he met in the bar the night Kurt re-entered his life. From what Kurt could see, the dark shadow that resided on his shoulders had vanished, there was no longer frightening pain in his eyes and there was once again life in his words. Huh. Maybe his influence had actually been good on Kurt.
“Bas,” Kurt called to him and Sebastian fought the urge to smile at the nickname Kurt had grown so fond of using.
“The water is really warm. You should come and see for yourself,” he tempted with a hesitant smile and Sebastian didn’t have to be told twice. He stored the camera away in his bag and stripped to his boxers before following Kurt in the water.
The second photo makes Sebastian’s heart ache. Not for him, but for Kurt. Sebastian has never been in a relationship before, so he had no idea what it felt like to have someone break up with you, but he couldn’t stop himself from feeling the phantom pains in heart. It was as though someone had clenched his heart and squeezed it painfully.
The photo showed a boy in a half-dark room, only illuminated by a single lamp on the wall. The boy was leaned away from the camera with his back towards the photographer. The picture captured the shirtless boy from waist and up, his chestnut brown hair was tousled and bore evidence of sex.
The lack of lighting gave the photo a gritty look, but he could clearly decipher that Kurt was talking on the phone with his shoulders hunched. He could barely see the side of Kurt’s face, but something resembling a tear glistened on his cheek. If he didn’t know that it would be there, he wouldn’t have seen it.
He didn’t know what possessed him to take a picture in a moment like that. Maybe it was the utter helplessness he felt that moment that urged him to do something. Maybe it was how Kurt looked, like a fallen angel, that made him want to keep that image in his mind forever. No matter what the reason was, the picture he took brought back a wave of memories.
They were lying on Sebastian’s bed as they rarely were at Kurt’s place. Sebastian was there once, the only time the house was empty, but Sebastian’s house was just more convenient for both of them.
Kurt was panting hard against Sebastian’s chest and he could feel the other boy’s heart pounding, as they lay pressed against each other on the bed. Their skin was shiny with sweat and Sebastian was trying to keep his breathing under control. A drop of sweat trickled down his forehead and onto the pillow. The bed was hot and he felt the need to roll over to the cool floor, but it was so comfortable to lay there with Kurt’s back again his chest and his arm around his pale waist. The covers were kicked to the side, so Sebastian could see all of Kurt’s body. He often got the chance to see Kurt naked, but those times he was usually quite distracted.
He had often noticed how beautiful Kurt was, but never like this. He used to think that Kurt was attractive and good-looking enough, but now it was as though other boys turned to ash when compared to the reincarnation of Adonis in front of him. The realisation puzzled him, and Sebastian assumed that everything would be soon to normal once he got to New York and meet other guys. There were probably guys there who were hotter and sexier than both him and Kurt put together, and he couldn’t wait to start a new life there.
Or could he?
Would it really be that bad, to have this for a little while longer, he found himself thinking as his hand lifted to brush away a loose strand of hair from Kurt’s forehead.
Kurt made a soft appreciative noise and Sebastian couldn’t help but smile, his lips curving up in approval. Kurt’s eyes were shut close and he could have been asleep if it wasn’t for the chest that heaved and sunk rapidly. They were still catching their breath after the last round, but they allowed themselves to bask in the afterglow of their orgasms. It was quiet, serene and relaxing, and Sebastian’s eyes slowly slipped close in a blissful daze.
Suddenly a ring tone started to play. It was a bad quality phone recording, but the song was unmistakeable. It’s not unusual to be loved by anyone. It’s not unusual to have fun with anyone. But when I see you hanging about with anyone, it’s not unusual to see me cry. Oh, I wanna die. Blaine’s voice rang through the room and before Sebastian’s could react, Kurt slapped his arm away and jumped out of bed.
Kurt wasn’t wearing anything, but the boy didn’t seem to care. Another difference from the boy Sebastian met at the bar, he noticed silently.
“Shit, it’s Blaine,” Kurt said to no one in particular as he fished the phone out of his pants pocket. It was evident that he didn’t know what to do. He just held the phone in his hand and stared at the screen where his ex-boyfriend’s name was. “I knew I should have changed his ring tone, but.. I didn’t think he would call.. Oh god, I should have deleted his number completely,” he rambled on as the ring tone continued to play as Blaine’s voice echoed between the walls. It’s not unusual to go out at any time. But when I see you out and about, it’s such a crime. If you should ever wanna be loved by anyone. It’s not usual – it happens everyday, no matter what you say. You find it happens all the time. Love will never- The ring tone got cut off as the phone stopped ringing.
Kurt looked relieved as he held the phone firmly in his hand. He was just about to put it away when it started ringing again, with the same song. Kurt groaned in frustration while Sebastian smirked amusedly. “Do you want me to get it for you?” he asked and Kurt shot him a look that was somewhere between disapproval and murderous rage. “No,” he snapped, taking a deep breath before he answered the phone.
Kurt’s voice was shaky and uneven, but somehow he managed to press out the words.
“H-Hey, it’s Kurt”
Sebastian couldn’t hear Blaine on the other line, but it was easy to guess what was being said.
“I’m.. Fine, I guess. How are you?”, Kurt asked and he detected the voice as Kurt’s polite voice.
“That’s.. good. I’m glad you hear that, Blaine. What? Oh.. I’m at Westerville,” he answered, biting down his lip. Kurt’s brows knitted together, upset over something.
“I’m at.. a friend’s place. Why are you asking?”
Seeing Kurt like this when he was not talking to him, but someone else made Sebastian observe more. He could only hear one side of the conversation, so he found himself noticing Kurt’s reactions more to understand the conversation better.
“What is it to you who I am with?” Kurt suddenly snapped with a force and fierceness he didn’t have before.
“I’m with Sebastian. Happy?”
“What? Blaine.. What are you saying? Do you..”
Sebastian frowned and tried to understand, but it felt as though he was missing something. Kurt was turned away from him, but he could still see his facial expressions and Kurt looked just as confused as he did.
“Coffee, I see. Why?” his tone was hard again and Kurt was squinting.
“You want to… Blaine.. What? Why? Why now?”
Kurt fell silent for a while and it seemed as though Blaine was holding a long monologue. The seconds ticked away and the silence was becoming unnerving, so Sebastian reached for the camera on his nightstand. He looked through the camera and deleted a few photos when Kurt spoke again.
“You.. want to get back together?” His voice was soft and fragile, as though it might break any moment. Sebastian wanted to reach forward and comfort it, offer it honey and nurse it back to strength.
Slowly Kurt’s words started to make sense to him. Blaine wanted him back. An unexplainable dread filled his mind and he found his fist clenching by itself. His mind was growling silently, telling him how Blaine doesn’t deserve a new chance with Kurt. No, it was all wrong. Kurt couldn’t take him back. Kurt wouldn’t. Would he?
Sebastian’s gaze hardened as he saw a single tear make its way down Kurt’s cheek and his eyelashes glistened with unshed tears. “Don’t do this to me..” he heard Kurt’s broken voice say.
The image in front of Sebastian was so breathtakingly beautiful but yet heartbreaking. Kurt’s face scrunched slightly and he noticed to lines appear on each side of the tiny nose. There were frown lines on his forehead, giving the image depth and emotion. Sebastian couldn’t help himself. He raised the camera up and snapped a photo.
It all happened silently and when Kurt turned to look at him with eyes gleaming from the heartbreak he was feeling, the camera was gone. No one will ever know about that photo in Sebastian’s camera.
Kurt noticed Sebastian watching and turned his back to him completely. Sebastian couldn’t see his face anymore, but he heard a broken noise from the back of Kurt’s throat. His heart twang at the sound and it felt as though someone was squeezing his chest painfully. If he could just reach forward and hold the other boy. But he had a feeling that Kurt wouldn’t want him to interfere.
“Blaine. I’m going to New York and you are staying in Lima. It’s like you said.. It won’t work,” Kurt said with a newfound resolution in his voice and Sebastian’s stomach fluttered in happiness. He wasn’t taking Blaine back.
“Bye, Blaine” Kurt sighed and abruptly ended the call. For a few seconds neither of them reacted. The silence was like a rubber band, stretching and stretching and they were both waiting for it to snap. Unsurprisingly, Kurt was the first one to break.
He tried to stifle the sob with the back of his palm, but Sebastian heard it all the same. Kurt’s shoulders were hunched, his back was loaded with pressure and his head hung down as tears streamed down his face. Sebastian had seen a lot of people cry before, but seldom did it affect him this much. The only other time he had felt like this was when his mother cried. It was an uncomfortable feeling that he couldn’t quite place. He wasn’t sad himself, but he was sad for Kurt. In other words, he was sad because Kurt was sad? It didn’t make much sense to him, but when did feelings ever make sense?
“Hey.. Are you okay?” Sebastian asked, clearing his voice so that it would be void of any embarrassing emotion, but it ended up sounding scruffy and coarse, as though he was trying to talk in a deeper voice.
Kurt looked up, his eyes red-rimmed and glinting in the light from moisture. For a second it seemed as though he had forgotten that Sebastian was there. Everything that mattered was his phone call with Blaine.
“I’m fine..” he muttered, furiously wiping his tears away with the hem of his sleeve.
“You are obviously not fine,” Sebastian sighed warily and got up. He went over to Kurt and stood in front of him, his height even more prominent as he stood in front of a sitting Kurt.
“I am!” Kurt argued, thought without conviction.
“Seb, I don’t want to talk about it,” he snapped, crossing his arms.
Sebastian looked at the boy for a few seconds, determining whether he should push it further or not, before his stern posture slackened and he sat down beside the pale boy.
“Blaine’s a dick, ‘kay?” Sebastian tried.
“No, he is not.”
“To me he is.”
“To me he is and always will be my first love. Whom I just burnt all bridges to right now,” Kurt’s voice wavered as a fresh wave of tears tried to break free.
“Kurt.. He broke up with you,” Sebastian tried to reason.
“It doesn’t matter,” Kurt furiously wiped away his tears again.
“Nothing matters. Blaine is gone and soon I will be gone from this stupid town and in a few years nothing of this will even matter,” Kurt said with a newfound fervour.
Sebastian didn’t know why, but Kurt’s words stung him physically. He recoiled mentally as though he was on the receiving end of a slap. Kurt didn’t really care about him. All he cared about was getting to New York and forgetting Lima, and that included him. He had to remind himself that it was good. When he went to New York, he didn’t want gay-face Hummel weighing him down either.
“Whatever, Hummel. Just don’t go crying on me like a little girl,” Sebastian snapped.
Kurt’s face fell.
“I’m not crying”
“Mhm, and those droplet of water that were conveniently placed on your cheeks were just raindrops that managed to jump through the closed window,” Sebastian rolled his eyes. This was getting sillier by the second, but the worst thing was the aching in his chest. Maybe there was something wrong with him. Cancer or something. That had to be it.
“It’s none of your business,” Kurt snarled back. On the plus side it looked as though he wasn’t sad more. The sadness in his eyes was replaced with irritation.
Sebastian shrugged. “You are right. It is not my business. It’s not like I care.”
Kurt stared pointedly at him and Sebastian felt the hair on his arms start to prickle. It was as though Kurt could see right though him, see his lies and the mask he was wearing. How fast did cancer usually spread? He had to have one of those fast-spreading types that left him dead within days.
“But you do care, don’t you?” Kurt’s lips curled up almost sardonically, sending shivers down Sebastian’s back.
Suddenly Kurt seemed taller than he was, partially because he got to his feet. Sebastian looked at him through guarded eyes.
“Strip,” Kurt’s one-word command echoed in the walls and for a few seconds, Sebastian just stared, not really believing his own ears. “What?”
“You heard me. Strip. I want to fuck you,” Kurt said, his voice softening a little as he cupped Sebastian’s cheek gently. How the hell did Kurt go from crying to.. this? Not that he was complaining. He preferred this to the awkwardness anytime.
“Please, Seb? I think I need this.”
Kurt had never asked to top before, so Sebastian automatically assumed that he was a bottom who didn’t like to switch. Kurt’s hand felt warm against his cheek and he couldn’t do anything but nod, his anger and confusion pushed aside to the back of his mind as he let lust consume him. Lust and longing was never far away when Kurt was present.
Kurt’s hand slid down his collar, dipping into the loose shirt he was wearing. Sebastian watched as the pale hand slipped beneath the soft fabric. Kurt’s fingers were cold, but he didn’t want him to stop. The shorter boy seemed hesitant and less than self-confident, so Sebastian confidently placed both hands on either side of Kurt’s hips, pulling him closer so that Kurt fell on his lap. Despite the fact that Sebastian hand’s where more confident and unwavering, he tried to give Kurt the option of control. Apparently, that was what he needed.
Sebastian told himself that he was happy as long as he got sex out of this, but it had been a long time since he bottomed. He pegged Kurt to being the bottom in his relationship with Blaine too, so he dearly hoped that the other knew what he was doing. If he was being honest with himself, he would admit that he was a little nervous of giving up physical control, but Sebastian would never admit something like that.
So instead, he stroke his warm palms up Kurt’s sides, his fingers toying with the cotton shirt that Kurt was wearing. He slowly rubbed his thumbs in circles as he inched his way up. The material heated up uncomfortably between his fingers and Kurt’s skin, so he impatiently flung it over Kurt’s head in a swift, jerky motion, eliciting a startled gasp from Kurt.
But Sebastian was still in control and Kurt knew it. He could see it in Sebastian’s eyes how hard it was for him to give up his control like this. But Kurt wanted this. He wanted a chance to prove to himself that he was worthy of steering his own life. He wanted to show himself that he was man enough to call his own shots. And maybe it was childish, maybe it didn’t make sense, but he also knew that Sebastian wouldn’t question him.
“Seb.. Let me,” Kurt intervened, when Sebastian proceeded to try to take off his pants as well. Kurt swatted away his hands and unbuttoned Sebastian’s shirt with such care that its owner had never shown before. Gently, he slid it off his shoulders and let it fall on the bed. He repositioned himself so that he was straddling Sebastian’s lap more comfortably before pushing the other back onto the bed. Sebastian landed with a thud and smirked back to Kurt whom just rolled his eyes.
Kurt was always so gentle and his movements were fluid, like the calm ripples in a lake. Sebastian, on the other hand, was passionate and hasty. Now was no exception. He tried to pull Kurt closer, take control of the situation and have it the way he wanted, but Kurt wasn’t going to let that happen. “Patience,” Kurt hissed close to Sebastian’s ear, his lips brushing against his earlobe sending sparks down Sebastian’s spine. Luckily for him, Sebastian was already lying down.
Kurt crawled down his lap so that he was on his knees beside him. He was gaining confidence by the minute, fuelled by Sebastian’s impatient whining. He wanted to make him pant for him, writhe in need for him– in short he wanted to reduce Sebastian into a mess before he fucked him into the mattress. Just the thought of it was empowering and Kurt felt his chest puff up in glowing pride.
Sebastian tried to reach up to Kurt again, his fingers brushing over Kurt’s growing erection. Kurt jerked and slapped his hand away. “Behave, or I might have to tie you up,” he said, his cheeks flushing from the bravery behind the words as he wrapped his fingers around Sebastian’s wrists and pulled them over his head.
Sebastian’s jaw dropped at the sight of this new Kurt that had apparently been hiding under all those bothersome layers. “Kurt.. Fuck, that’s hot..” he muttered. He was torn between the straining erection in his pants that found this Kurt breathtakingly hot and between his mind that was struggling for control. Right now his nether parts was winning. He wasn’t the type to deny himself pleasure and he wasn’t going to start anytime soon, especially not when Kurt was acting as self-confident and hot as he was.
Sebastian’s breath became hotter and shorter and as he felt Kurt’s tongue dart out to lick the skin right below his ear, on his neck where the skin was the most sensitive. “Kurt..” he whispered breathless, the sound sending heat to Kurt’s groin.
“Let me make you feel good,” Kurt whispered back, biting back the words he wanted to continue with. Let me prove to you that I can do it.
Sebastian didn’t say anything to that and neither did he fight against Kurt’s hands that were holding his hands in place above his head, locking them in place. Kurt’s warm lips wandered downwards, down his neck, his chest and his abs. His tongue darted out to trace the darker outline around Sebastian’s nipples, earning him a moan from Sebastian as the other bucked his hips up involuntarily. “Fuck Kurt..” Sebastian’s skin was getting hotter and hotter by the moment and his cock was straining again his jeans.
Kurt dragged his tongue roughly against Sebastian nipples, feeling them harder from the attention. “Jesus Christ, just fuck me already,” Sebastian said with gritted teeth, trying to keep from whimpering.
Finally it seemed as though Kurt took pity on his and unbuttoned his jeans. A wave of cool air hit Sebastian’s erection. Trembling slightly as all his senses were heightened, he helped Kurt to remove the rest of their clothes until they were pressed together, skin against naked skin and nothing else between them.
“Lube and condoms in the dra-“ Sebastian was cut off by an odd look from Kurt.
“I know,” the boy said, as though it should be obvious. How many times had they done this over the last weeks? Neither of them bothered to keep count.
Before he knew it, Kurt’s fingers were wet from lube and a finger was pushing against his entrance. Sebastian’s first reaction was to clench tightly and jerk his hips away from the intrusion, but the lost look on Kurt’s face made him change his mind. Taking a deep breath, he tried to relax and keep still as Kurt’s finger slowly went inside him. “Is this okay?” he heard Kurt’s nervous voice.
It stung a bit, but it wasn’t downright uncomfortable, so he simply nodded. “Yeah, it’s fine. You can add another,” he said, and Kurt complied immediately.
This time he stung and Sebastian hissed involuntarily, causing Kurt to worry his lip idly between his teeth. “Sebastian.. We don’t have to..”
“I can take it, go on,” Sebastian said convincingly. A little hesitantly, Kurt added a third finger and stretched him. It wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be and Kurt was gentle with him. Finally, his muscles loosened a little as he started to trust Kurt and the stinging was replaced with the pleasant feeling of being filled.
“Fuck!” Sebastian’s hips bucked upwards at the unexpected sensation that washed over him. When he looked up at Kurt, his lips parted and in awe, he was wearing a knowing smirk.
“Found it,” Kurt murmured under his breath and continued to wriggle his fingers against that spot as he pumped his fingers in and out of Sebastian. Soon Sebastian forgot the uneasiness of bottoming and was reduced to moaning softly for every time Kurt’s fingers brushed against his prostate. He closed his eyes and just enjoyed the feeling, not caring that he was moaning, whimpering and writhing softly as Kurt brought him closer to pleasure.
The warm feeling inside of him was building rapidly. “Almost there..” he murmured, regretting it immediately as Kurt stopped abruptly. He sent the other boy a glare, but Kurt just smiled back weakly. “I want you,” he explained, reaching down to kiss Sebastian on the lips. A condom was already rolled on and Kurt slicked his cock with lube before slowly pushing into Sebastian.
As Kurt’s erection breached the ring of muscles, Sebastian let out a groan. Fuck, that hurt more than he was willing to admit. Kurt stilled inside of him. “It’ll be better, I promise,” he said sympathetically and waited for Sebastian to give the signal before he continued to slowly work his way in until he was fully buried inside of Sebastian’s tight heat.
Kurt had topped with Blaine a few times, but Blaine never liked it much so they didn’t do it often. Besides Kurt had a general liking to bottoming, so it never was an issue, but now looking down at Sebastian’s debauched face with his hair all over the place, Sebastian’s lips red from kissing and biting, his cheeks with a soft red glow from excitement – he wondered why hadn’t done this before. For a moment, he was lost in Sebastian’s green eyes, as though he could see something important there, something soul-revealing, but he was pulled away from the moment by Sebastian’s impatient voice.
“Just move already, goddammit! I swear, Hummel, if you don’t fuck me this instant..”
What Sebastian would do to him, Kurt never found out, because that second he pulled out and slammed back in, emitting a low moan from how good Sebastian felt around him. Sebastian was slammed back on the mattress, his fingers curling around the thin material of his bedsheets as he tugged on them. “Fuck..” he whimpered as Kurt thrust into him – again and again – each thrust as merciless as the last.
“Kurt.. Oh god.. Kurt..” Sebastian moaned, his voice loaded with desperation as one of his hands went to Kurt’s back, scratching him slowly. His hips were moving in synch with Kurt’s and he was dangerously close to the edge. His vision swam, only making out specks of beautiful blue in his blurry and hazy mind that could only decipher the pleasure. Kurt was pounding into him relentlessly, and the sounds he was making were positively sinful. “SebSebSebSeb,” he chanted for every thrust and before Sebastian could even warn him or realise what was going on, he came with a loud moan. He shut his eyes and panted, trying to understand what the fuck really happened and how he managed to come so fast, but Kurt followed right after, tumbling on top of him.
“That was amazing..” Kurt whispered, kissing Sebastian’s chest softly.
Sebastian hummed in agreement. “It was. Now, can you remove your dick from my ass..?”
Right, he had never really been the one for pillow talk.
Within just a few weeks, Sebastian’s life had turned around completely. It was the end of the summer and Kurt was leaving for New York in a two days. He was heading there a week before Sebastian to fix practical things with Rachel, while Sebastian was just planning on winging it once he got there. His wardrobe didn’t take three days to unpack either.
It was the last night they had together and they both knew it. It hung over them like a wet woollen blanket, crushing on them with a smothering weight. Sebastian couldn’t explain the knot in his stomach or the unpleasant lump in his throat. Maybe he should go see the doctor about the cancer, or whatever it was. It was apparently getting out of hand.
They were in Sebastian’s bed with their arms around each other. They were just in each other’s arms, listening to the soft thumping of their heartbeats. Sebastian was struggling with his treacherous thoughts. He was counting the hours he had left with Kurt. Hours that would eventually become minutes and then seconds. He would follow Kurt to the door. Maybe kiss him goodbye and then watch him walk away from his life. So before that could happen, he took a picture of Kurt who was naked underneath the blankets with the camera on his bedside table.
In the past hour, something had changed between them. They had sex, but it wasn’t just sex. If he could dare to say it out loud… they made love. Sebastian couldn’t pretend anymore. He didn’t have terminal cancer and he wasn’t going to die, he knew that very well. He was in love with Kurt Hummel, and if he suddenly dropped dead, that would be the reason.
It was the first time he had ever made love to a person and he didn’t know if Kurt noticed the difference – beautiful Kurt who was used to being loved and in love – but he certainly did notice. He had never experienced anything as fulfilling, heart-warming and yet so excruciating before. He briefly remembered the way electricity shot through his heart, how his toes curled as though they were being pulled by a gravitational force. He could clearly remember Kurt’s sweat slicked body in perfect synchrony with his own, how they fitted together like they were meant to be. He thought he felt Kurt’s fingers slip in between his own as his face scrunched up in pleasure. But maybe it was just a figment of his imagination. Maybe he just saw what he wanted to see and everything was a lie. But he knew one thing; his heart drummed faster when he was beside Kurt, his palms got sweaty from nervousness when he thought about him, his stomach did weird somersaults that he was certain was hazardous for his health.
That was it.
He was doomed.
He was in love with Kurt Hummel.
And maybe Kurt loved him too. Why else would he be there, comfortably lounging in his bed after sex? Why would he spend the entire summer by his side if there wasn’t something more? So maybe this was it. Maybe this was the moment he had been trying to hold off his entire life. Maybe he was getting a boyfriend. It would be perfect, really. They would move to New York and explore the big city together, spend weekends together in each other’s arms and eat take-out while trying to understand their lecture notes and textbooks. Sebastian would be envious because Kurt’s writing was so much neater than his own ugly scrawl that he barely managed to read himself, and Kurt would laugh at him.
Sebastian would sit on the countertop and play guitar while Kurt cooked for them, because it was better for everybody if Sebastian stayed away from the stove. Kurt would miss his family and curl up in Sebastian’s arms while Sebastian would kiss his forehead and tell awkward jokes about grapes to cheer him up. What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe! Breathe! Sometimes Sebastian would miss his sister and think about everything his sister would never get to experience and they would just cuddle up together on the small couch and not say anything – just listening to their heartbeats and breathes, reminding themselves that they were alive and they would live on for everyone who couldn’t.
And the end of the day, Sebastian’s nightmares would be gone because Kurt would be there, hugging him tightly as they slept, constantly reminding him that he was loved.
So maybe that was what prompted him to say what he did next.
“Live with me in New York.”
So maybe it wasn’t the most elegant move and not the subtlest either. Maybe he should have told Kurt how nice his eyes were, or that he really liked his smile. Maybe even told him that he wanted to be his boyfriend, or in fact just anything else.
He could feel Kurt tense up in his arms and wanted to kick himself in the ass.
“Live.. with me..” Sebastian said lamely. “In New York..”
When Kurt didn’t say anything, Sebastian swallowed thickly. They told each other that there would be no pretences, no lies. So here went nothing.
“I love you,” he admitted, his voice as soft as the setting sun outside. “I think I have for a while now. Maybe weeks, I don’t know.”
It looked like Kurt was going to turn in his arms so that he could look at Sebastian, but suddenly he was sitting up, his back facing Sebastian’s appalled face.
“I have to go,” Kurt’s voice said, his voice hard and cold.
“But I just-“
And with that, Kurt got dressed in a hurry and ran out of his room. Sebastian could only stare like a shock-damaged person who was unable to move or say anything of importance. So this was what goodbye felt like. They told each other that there would be no pretences, no lies. But they also promised that at the end of the summer, they would be strangers to each other. It just looked as though his summer was cut short by a few hours.
He had no idea how long he’d been sitting there on his bed, staring at the ceiling with a dazed expression. Probably for way too long. He felt like a shadow of himself, a bad copy, a zombie. The suddenly, something happened. It started in the form of a single tear down his cheek and he quickly blinked it away, glad that he was alone. Breathing out slowly, he realised how painful it was to breath. It was as though someone had punched a hole in his windpipe and it was physically painful.
It was surrealistic how it only took two seconds to kill the hope he didn’t even know that he had, the hope that he had been slowly building for weeks, brick by heavy brick until he almost had a house. But apparently even brick walls can be destroyed by a wave of water and Kurt’s icy, piercing gaze.
His heart ached, throbbing painfully against his chest as though it had been stabbed, torn to pieces, jumped on and then stapled back on. Slowly, he crawled towards the top of bed and laid his head on his pillow. It still smelled like Kurt. And that was when he felt something inside of him break. Forcing his head into the pillow to muffle the sound, he screamed out the pain he felt, drenching it with his tears.
After a while, it could have been minutes or hours, the sun outside had gone down long ago. The house was quiet, not a footstep was to be heard. He dragged himself out of bed and took out the items from the drawer where he had kept them safe.
A camera. A jacket pin. A phone. Lemon balm leaves. A bottle cap. A box of condoms. A bottle of sleeping pills.
That was how Sebastian found himself on his bed, sitting on the very edge so that he had to cling on to the bedspread to not fall off. There were seven items on the table in front of him. Papers, books, CDs – all previous residents of the mahogany tabletop – were strewn on the floor in a careless chaos. Seven items were allowed on the dark, polished surface.
A camera. A jacket pin. A phone. Lemon balm leaves. A bottle cap. A box of condoms. A bottle of sleeping pills.
Seven items that he had managed to find that reminded him of the summer. The window was open and a cool breeze crept in, reminding him that the summer was coming to an end. The two days left were insignificant for him, for his summer was already over. The water had already washed away the fire. But he was preceding himself. Maybe it was best to start with the beginning.
With a sigh, he got off the bed and walked the three steps needed to get to the table. His hands were firmly placed on each side of the table. His warm palms were a contrast to the cool, smooth surface. He looked down at the items that he had carefully placed in a straight line. A camera, a jacket pin, a phone, a few lemon balm leaves on a stem, a bottle cap, a box of condoms and a bottle of sleeping pills. Objects that didn’t have much value unless you knew the story behind them. He started at the beginning and now he was at the story’s end. There was nothing more to be told.
Only when the sun had started rising did he fall asleep on top of his covers, his hand holding on to the camera where it was frozen on a picture of a smiling Kurt.
He was awoken hours later by a knocking on the door. Groaning as the sunlight hit his sensitive eyes, he rolled underneath the covers and stayed there.
“Sebastian, honey!” he heard his mother’s voice call from the other side of the door.
Sebastian made a disgruntled sound that was muffled by the blankets. “Go away..”
“Bastian, mon cheri, Kurt is here to see you.”
Now, that got his attention. He must have misheard her. But he was wide awake now, every trace of sleep gone. Maybe Kurt forgot his phone here. That would be sufficiently awkward. Nevertheless, he jumped out of bed and pulled on a pair of pyjama pants and a faded t-shirt. Tugging his hair to the side so that it wouldn’t be all over the place, he opened the door to find his mother walking away and Kurt standing there with tears in his eyes.
His stomach twisted at the thought of Kurt crying and instinctively, he reached forward to wipe away the tears there. “Kurt..?” he asked, not even hiding the confusion in his voice.
Kurt looked up at him with his glazed eyes and offered a weak smile.
“Can’t you see, you idiot? I love you too.”
His entire life, Sebastian had categorised his life in chapters, adding a new chapter for every new thing that happened. Paris was a chapter, Ohio was a chapter, New York was a chapter to be writing, but when he held Kurt in his arms, when his lips touched Kurt’s, he couldn’t help but think that maybe what he had with Kurt could be a whole book.
AN: This is it, guys. This is the end. Thank you for the beautiful journey.
Reviews are love :)